Genesis- not just the first book of the Bible anymore! Genesis, the band, burst out on the scene in the late 1960s like a bad case of hemorrhoids.  What do I have against Genesis? Nothing! It’s what they have against YOU! Most of you were once young during the reign of terror this band has inflicted on us for the last 30 years. Don’t delude yourself; you were and still are afraid of the dark. Why? Because of Phil Collins’ FACE, that’s why! Genesis and its ensuing solo acts have created videos so bizarre, so disturbing, you sat in your chair wide eyed, mouth agape letting the damn flies in…. Mmmm, tasty aren’t they? So, without further ado, the videos that became the genesis of your worst nightmares.

Sledgehammer- Peter Gabriel (1986)

This Genesis alum is the king of sexual innuendo. Peter Gabriel can take the most innocuous of items and make it a phallic symbol. Did you want to learn sex ed as a child from this perv? Well, guess what- you did: subconsciously…at night…in your dreams.  It starts of innocently enough with a stream- of semen. Then you are introduced to an in your face close up of Gabriel, moving unnaturally enough to give you the impression he some demon from Hades. Or some ghost from a British castle. Sure it was an innovation of epic proportions that revolutionized the video industry, but did you care? No fucking way, you were too small to understand or understood too well what Gabriel was getting at with his steam train. *shudder*

Either way, Gabriel is a well trained magician in this video or a cyborg looking to eat your children (or you if you were classified in that demographic!). Step in front of a chalk board and you’ll be straight-jacketed onto a roller coaster- step into the school of Peter Gabriel ! But don’t touch his icy head, it’s liable to shatter! Speaking of head (the audience collectively rolls their eyes), watch the items that float into that empty skull of his. Fishes and bananas, no wonder he becomes a living breathing fruit salad.  Imagine seeing that at the foot of your bed at midnight , Sweet Jesus, save me!

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had that nightmare where the surroundings are pieced together and all you can seeing is a mouth moving slowly and deliberately. I didn’t want it to be realized on film. For the love of God, keep your sick visionary ideas to yourself, Gabriel! Especially the clay man sequence: heads flipping open, faces being squashed, transformed, and disfigured- can there be anything more frightening than that? Maybe some headless dancing uncooked chickens? Did you just loose your appetite? I did… But nothing terrifies me more than a white man with no rhythm trying to dance. I’m not sleeping tonight.

In The Air Tonight - Phil Collins (1980)

Gabriel wasn’t the only member to go solo. Phil Collins has come to depend on his own inhuman sounding electric voice to further his career. Rumors of him being a machine abound, this video proves that Collins would not reach out to help you if you were drowning. Sorry, Mr. Old Man, no help is coming!

Anyway, the video starts with some words you may or may not understand and then an indiscernible pale image closes up on you from the distance. If you have seen the cover of the movie Jacob’s Ladder, you might recognize this image. It’s something people see in their worse dreams, fading and anguished life. Suddenly, it clears up and it’s even scarier than you could imagine, Phil Collin’s real face!!! And what is that strange echo… is he singing in outer space? Or is it Collin’s electronic internal organs humming? You decide. So you thought Collins was alone in this video huh? Think again. Like the dark lightless room with a window into nothing wasn’t enough, another ghostly figure appears in the distance! And it only appears when Collins isn’t looking. Isn’t that the same chair in The Ring? Will it start spinning? I’m biting my nails over here (okay so that movie wasn’t scary, shush).  Wait, wait, what is that distortion on the side of Phil Collins’ face? A ghost on film? Another Collins? Man, I can’t take it anymore, cut it off already.

Just when I’ve had enough, and I think he is finally getting out of my face, bam!!! Electrically fired up Phil! Look at the pretty colors…he is trying to distract me so he can take me into the sewer ala It. But no Phil! I will not be fooled by your seductive vocals and mesmerizing visuals! You will not have unloving butt sex with me! Just kidding, Phil, you know I love you (call me!). Tangent forgiving, we have entered the world of doors. Man if I don’t see this place every time I close my eyes. Doors and doors opening to other doors…over and over again. Then when I am confused and disoriented, wham! Negative Collins is shouting at me over hard drum beats. Jesus, Phil, give me a heart attack, why don’t you! Wait, I just figured it out! Phil Collins is the Predator! Hold on, stick with me, I’ll explain. First, the electronic style vocals, the negative image camouflage, the disappearing in and out of frame, breaking glass with his mind, the night vision, he is the Predator!!! Okay, I’ve lost it. Next video.

Land Of Confusion - Genesis (1986)

Puppets, the final frontier. This is the voyage of the SS Geneside, whose continuing mission is to create strange videos. To seek out new frights and new freaks of nature. To boldly go where no band has gone before! Or not. To see a puppet look so unlike a former president but yet exactly like him, is chilling. I always though personally that Bill Clinton had his own teddy bear…with a big hole in it. On the flipside, it isn’t surprising Reagan has a monkey in his bed- wait, isn’t that his wife? Shucks, sorry Nancy . The hair gets me every time!

Anyway….in this Sesame Street episode from Hell, the deliciously sick members of Genesis have horribly putrescent (look it up bitch!) versions of themselves. Except for Phil Collins, who looks exactly like himself. Don’t forget the disembodied heads! They add that wonderful Martha Stewart style decorating to that dreary make-believe jungle. Imagine seeing your own head in there with the 100s of other unrecognizable Muppet heads on crack.  What I did notice was the members of Genesis really love their dead headless birds. Really...love…dead headless birds…

We still don’t even know where we are or what the hell is going on. I mean what’s with all the marching and heads? Is this a Nazi death camp or what? Have they no shame? (Yes, they do, Phil is their shame- hide your shame Genesis!) I’m getting dizzy being rushed past their sadistic version of Mount Rushmore. One thing’s for sure, he may wear spandex under his pants at speeches, but Reagan is no Superman. And why is his pet Triceratops being proposed to by Godzilla with a bouquet of HUMAN FINGERS?! What ever happened to the laws against interspecies relations? Just because your uncle has a goat doesn’t mean he can fuck it. But…Reagan is above the law, that’s why he can make sweet, sweet love with the monkey in this video. Man, can that primate teach Nancy a thing or two!

I don’t know how Genesis and company pull it off every single damn video, but even in this house of horrors fright fest there is still tons of sexual innuendo and perverse images. Why so many bones? Why is Reagan in a bed with a monkey? Why is everyone’s mouths wide open? And why is that Prince look-alike's tongue so long? Even a woman’s abdomen has a say in this video…any lower and Debbie is doing Dallas sucking from both ends! The video ends with everyone’s worst fear, the president accidentally nuking us all. It explains Godzilla’s presence in this video. Jesus, with nightmares like that I would destroy the world too, Mr. President. Go ahead blast us to hell and put these images to bed. You are one sick puppy, Genesis.

Everyone knows that Peter Gabriel is one depraved, perverted individual. But at least in his other videos, Gabriel feebly attempts to mask the center of his videos, which is also the center of his universe- his penis.  In Steam, he makes no such effort. Not only are you treated to the horrible mental image of this crotchety old man’s phallic focus, you are given the wonderful opportunity of envisioning Gabriel screwing the world- over and over and over again. Mr. Twisted Fuck creates the perfect atmosphere of euphemistic porn. Only imagining your grandmother having sex could be more disgusting. Or maybe your grandmother getting banged by a horse. Or maybe visiting the scatman. Or maybe…alright, alright, you get it. Without further ado, I give you Peter Gabriel letting off Steam.

My, my, my Mr. Gabriel, you have such a long … limo. Can you give me a ride? (but make sure to drop dead first) I know I would have a cardiac arrest if I was a white man caught in pimp suit without a pimp cane. Yet he still has magical pimp powers, like having his own personal ho fo sho! Where’s the justice in that? If this was the real world, it would be Gabriel getting kicked in the face by high heel shoes. But it’s not the real world, as so quickly evidenced by the magical fairy land of naked action figures. In this frightening landscape, poppies and penises litter the terrain. Mommy, mommy, can I pick one! Owwwwwwwwwww, why did you hit me? No wonder Gabriel always has sex on the brain. If he sees himself as a flaming love being and his female companion as an ice queen, that motherfucker is not getting laid!

But honestly, nothing is more spine-chilling than Gabriel and his lovely assistant, the artist. How would you like it if you were painted out of existence right before your eyes? Could you sleep at night? Could you? Speaking of eyes, avert them before it’s…sorry, too late. Seeing Gabriel’s head attached to a muscle mass like that is almost as unsettling as seeing Larry King’s head Frankensteined onto a hot chick’s body.  Man Gabriel, for someone so interested in doing the nasty, you really know how to wilt the flowers! The rabid women rip his legs off and we are left with super gyrating crotch of doooooooom and the fondling of Gabriel’s…head. I mean for the love of Xenu, is Peter Gabriel the living breathing equivalent of a dick? If he isn’t a nice congealed liquid, he is a speeding locomotive, and if he isn’t envisioning snakes and ladders, he wants you to put your hot ass on his creepy chair form. You aren’t fooling anyone! I saw you on the number 5 train last night and you weren’t wearing anything under that trench coat. Next time I see you, I’m calling the po-po!

But the best and most bizarre part of this video is Peter Gabriel, lawnmower man.  He is the disembodied CGI head of your dreams! Watch him scream his face off! Enjoy his ugly choppers up close and personal. See his bloated stretched out mug. All this at the one and only Peter Gabriel freak show of Wonder and Horrors! You can stay but I am returning my ticket. I want my money back. I walked in clean and now I’m coming out dirty… not dusty dirty, Christina Aquilera diiiirty.

In No Son of Mine, Genesis doesn't use as much visual shock as they do psychological cues to make us wet our pants. The video starts off with a ticking clock, which by itself is not so creepy, except for the fact that it is a grandfather clock. You grandfather is probably dead! For all you know it's as old as the damn house and it's got every evil ghost, ghoul, and goblin soul lurking inside of it. And the incessant ticking reminds you that every second you are closer and closer to the great big emptiness of death. DEATH I tell you DEATH!!!!! But wait, there is an even more sinister noise in the background; one that you would only recognized if you were fucking beat the hell up every night- the twisting of a leather belt. But you know what scares me worse than an article of clothing turned torture device? Genesis in my living room. Holy moley, I just shit my lederhosen.

What were your worst fears as a child? Your dad telling you to fuck off? Maybe he did? Thank you for refreshing my deep seated repressed memories, jackass.

Then they stare at you...they all stare at you…cause they know you are a freak! The police (no, not the band you nut) are looking to beat your tiny little butt if you get out of line and then you can come home to the fighting shadows on the wall. Even the goddamn mounted animal heads are laughing at you. Teeth bared, eyes empty, and a sinister grimace left over from being slaughtered, stuffed, and mounted. Nice. We were doing perfectly fine without the chance of dead stuffed animals coming back to life. 

Each frame has the perfect mix of taxidermy, child abuse, and drab colors to give us that really deep sound sleep. Top it off with a verbal abuse disco ball and you have a great psychologically unsettling video. Thanks Phil Collins, you sick son of a bitch.

The members of Genesis are like the perfect sadomasochistic couple. Sexually deviant, obsessed with physical, mental, and emotional defects found in every one of us, then they take those defects and twist them to make us look like mutant freaks and make themselves feel special healthy individuals. Healthy? Hell I don’t remember when was the last time I saw Phil Collins with a full head of hair, I always presumed he was born balding. Thinking back on this article, I should have included Sussudio as a disturbing mockery of people suffering from stuttering… *Looks up in to the sky screaming, showing huge boobs” GENESIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!!